Thursday, November 29, 2007Y
i screwed my dance fantasy today. ): when i realise i can't let my notes ring, i know that's it. i admit that when i hear my own solo sound like as if i'm knocking on some metal bars, i'm even more nervous and scared. but i just can't let the whole thing ring. no matter how hard i try to let it ring, it just won't ring, and the notes just kept sounding like knocking on metal bars. my entire heart sank while i played through the entire song. i messed up my bars from BAR118 onwards. i didn't end properly. i just screw everything. ):i hate myself for screwing dance fantasy again and again. i hate feeling screwed. i don't want to feel screwed even for my last performance. ):
Wednesday, November 28, 2007Y
ake was great today. (: it has been a really long while since i last had practice with the entire ensemble. and getting together with my section members like grace dear, nilam, nora, shahidah, tzekiat, leong, junlong & tuankiak, not forgetting my dearest year2s, was really a super good feeling. (: although i didn't get to eat dinner till 7+ all thanks to mac delivery, i still had a great time. (:the moment i reach school today, the first person i saw was miss lim & miss wee. (: the moment miss wee saw me, she was smiling really widely and said, "i miss you man!" haha! that's really super sweet. (: and when we were having our run-through for DANCE FANTASY, she asked the year1s & year2s to welcome us back. (: she's really happy to see us back there helping her out. (: when mr pow saw me, he was like, "hey shirley! what are you up to? are you back to visit us? or are you back to play?" i replied, "you will see me on saturday as well!" he thought i will be watching them perform at SP, but i replied, "nah, i'll be performing." he was happy and smiling away as well! (; talked to miss lim too! awwwww, i miss my ake teachers and instructress!i don't
"blame" my hendra love anymore. (: i just love having him around, and it's really nice to play music with him again. (: he made my day lah as usual. he was the first ake member i saw the moment i enter HARMONIS. (: and hafirah. (: anyhow, i get to play on the angklungs! (: i'm playing on the BIG angklung for
SURI RAM. ((((: although it's not me & yichuang's hubby angklung, but i finally get to play the angklung! haha. i'm excited!
saturday's so gonna be our cam-whore day! i'm gonna take photos with every single one i know, and that will really mark my end of service for ake. it will be my very last practice. i will surely miss playing music with my dearest section members, my hendra love, the year2s, and of course, miss wee! (: and our two cute teachers, miss lim & mr pow. (:filling myself with more more dosages of
183CLUB! which also means... more more dosages of
明道! haha! i'm super into this band now, and i can't stop listening to them sing. (: blasting my "iPoot" with my latest favourite by them
"MAGIC ROOM" & a really emo production
"感情线"! ((((((((((: i've never been so into a band before. i love their voices please! ooooooooo...
Monday, November 26, 2007Y
i'm having my vcd spreeeeeeeeeee! haha. watching 爱情魔发师 now, and i'm really going gaga over the whole show. although i know i'm a little "outdated" in watching the show, but i'm really going mad over it. HAHA! anyhow, I LIKE 杜亚斯! wahahahahahahahahahaha! call me crazy, mad, nuts or... haha. but i still like 杜亚斯 or rather, 明道! haha! okay! i'm MAD! (:[add]感情线 - 183 CLUB我想我已开始有点疑惑好像被他说中些什么难道已经没有别的选择只能乖乖的束手就策难过的是我们做了选择是对是错谁也没把握如果要我放手才能获得为何在我心中有舍不得看着你要走还装著笑容掩饰的脆弱要撑多久如果现在开口如何挽留感情这条线注定只能这么远不敢相信已经来到终点想你爱他必定多一些我们之间不可能再回到从前我还傻傻画着幸福线看着你走远还继续装笑脸掩饰折磨我能撑多久如果现在开口怎么挽留感情这条线注定无法延长一点你已不在而我何时才清醒相信一切都是命不曾放弃你 (不曾放弃你)我不会说什么默默的承受像个男子汉看着你要走 (看着看着你要走)还装着笑容 (多么多么笑容)掩饰的脆弱要撑多久 (还要撑多久)如果现在开口 (现在开口)如何挽留 (如何挽留)感情这条线注定只能这么远看着你要走 (woo~)还装着笑容 (We will carry on)掩饰的脆弱要撑多久 (knowing there were words i've never said baby)如果现在开口 (现在开口)如何挽留 (如何挽留)感情这条线注定只能这么远let the words remain unsaid-end-daddy & mummy are home! (: they "swept" back bags of goodies! haha. they left with ONE luggage, but came back with THREE, and THREE plastic bags! haha! can guess how much goodies they manage to stuff inside those bags! hohoho! home alone no more! (; and mama's bringing me to get my black long sleeve top tomorrow for AKE's performance on saturday! (: that means, I GET TO GO SHOPPING! haha! ((((((:anyhow, my main computer decided to go on strike and ditch me. it's NOT WORKING and i cannot do anything with it. now, me & my sisters, FOUR OF US, are "fighting" over the use of the laptop! daddy say, "it's time to get a new computer..." ((((((((: but i hate my main com for ditching me at this moment, when i have yet to finish copying of some stuff! and i haven't load my whole file of photos lah! ):okay, nothing's gonna make my mood go down down down. i've got a week filled with FUN, LAUGHTER, EXCITEMENT & not forgetting GROOVE! (; DANCE FANTASYYYYYYYYY! haha. now, my priority is... CHECK OUT THOSE STUFF IN MY PARENTS' LUGGAGE! hahaha! LEONG & EDITH SWEETS! we MUST head to HK next year okay? and sweep those shops and shop till we drop yea? ((((((((: *egggggggg-cited!sometimes, i think there's no need to flaunt what you have, what you can do, or what you wish for others to know you can do or have. people have eyes to see for themselves. if you really have it, people know. why flaunt it? it might end up being mere faking, and again, people will know. (:time check : 11.40pm[/add]
Saturday, November 24, 2007Y
I'M FREAKING BORED! there's practically nothing for me to do luh! although i've got a whole lot of shows to watch, but i feel so bored! computer is no longer attractive like it used to during exam days, and the tv is also losing it's appeal! the bed is calling out to me, but i feel so sick and tired of sleeping, even when i haven't replenish my sleep. I'M BORED! SAVE ME! ):[add]i know what to do when i'm bored. (: ONLINE WINDOW SHOPPING! (: i'm falling in love with stuff and items from maple syrup! they are super pretty and really provoking my shopping-spree desire. haha![/add]
Friday, November 23, 2007Y
I'M FREE-D! ((((((((((: free from the As and free from uniform life! no more uniform for the rest of my life! haha. i feel relieved for everything is over now, but at the same time, i'm beginning to worry about the results. okay, i know it's still early to think about that. now, it's time to PLAY, PARTY & INDULGE MYSELF IN A TRUCKLOAD OF ENTERTAINMENT! i feel so deprived of all these great stuff lah! not forgetting, catching up on my beauty sleep, and get rid of those horrible dark rings round my eyes! have been losing sleep since prelim days, and every night seems to be so long and draggy 'cos i just can't get to sleep. ): mdm siti says that this is a psychological barrier. well, now that As are over, i can get better sleep and replenish all that i've lost since september! my two months worth of sleep! ((:daddy & mummy are both flying over to bangkok later in the evening, and back only on monday evening. so, it will be home alone for me & my sisters AGAIN! (: last year, diane & karen manage to come over to accompany us, this year, it will be just the four of us, my grandmama & my maid. (: INDEPENDENT I SHALL BE! (; i can cook hor! and i make sure i feed my sisters till they are fat fat! haha!so... what am i suppose to do now? i need to do quite a number of things actually. i got to start packing my bookshelves and keep all the notes and books that i want to keep as memorial, 'cos mummy & daddy are going to refurnish our house! (: and i need to clear my own cupboards, throw unwanted clothes away, especially those over-sized ones. (; oh! and i need to keep those little gifts like soft toys, little notes, little cards and whatnots properly into a safe box so that i won't spoil them. especially my little red devil which has accompanied me through As & my 2nd TP! (;most importantly, I'M OFFICIALLY UNEMPLOYED! yes! unemployed. i'm one of those who are able to work and are actively looking for a job. i need a job like superrrrrr badly. i need to work to earn money, and start being even more INDEPENDENT! after being taken care of for the past 19 years, it's time i take care of myself and to earn for my own retail therapy sessions. also, not forgetting my CAR! i need to feed that TOYOTA ALTIS that's parked outside my gate man! so, i need to work! anyone nice enough to give me lobang? i swear, i will LOVE you like crazy. (:i think i'm mad from the As. i seem to be talking, nonsensical stuff? haha. i'm still quite high because i've completed my As. yay! haha. okay, it's time for me to go watch some drama before i sleep. (: oh! before i go, i remembered. there's another thing i need to do! BRUSH UP ON "DANCE FANTASY"! why why why? 'cos i'm helping AKE with their performance on the 1st of dec at SP. and miss wee wanted them to play "DANCE FANTASY", so me & gracie darling are back at it, and moving our robotic hands. (: ROCK SP WE WILL! (; that means, i'm STILL going back to school next week, and till next sat's performance is over. i miss ake practices and i miss my vibraphone. i miss my sunshine's disturbing, and i miss my section members. those good old days were really good old days...
Tuesday, November 20, 2007Y
i feel old, or maybe, i really am. just one hour at the vibraphone, my legs & back are aching. i used to stand there for hours, and am still super energetic. now, i feel as though my legs are breaking if i walk on. okay, just admit it, I'M OLD.five hours of management consultation today. woohoo~ results better reflect!two more days, just two more days, and i'm officially declared, FREE-D. ((: GANBATTE!grace & shirley are back at it. (: let US rock YOUR life with DANCE FANTASY. (:
Sunday, November 18, 2007Y
suddenly, i feel very insecure. now that As are ending, and i realise that i have been leaving the exam hall feeling rather good, at least, i feel as though i didn't meet much difficulties while i attempted the papers, except for econs. it's supposed to be something to be happy over, but i just feel scared with what i'm actually feeling. i don't wish to feel down and stuff, especially when i've already completed most of my papers, and i'm left with one last paper to dash for. so, there's really no point going down on my own morale. but as i think and wonder about the outcome i will have to face next march, i just can't help it, but feel the fear covering my anxiety for post-As. i really really really want to do well and allow myself to go to where i want to be in next august. apart from that, i also want to make up for all the blunders that i've made during the Os. i don't want to let what happened in march 2005 happen all over again three years later, crying at my shitty results, and regretting why didn't i work hard for my exams. but this time round, i did work at it over the past months, i really did. i just want my effort to pay off in a rewarding manner. i don't want to regret for insisting on staying in MI, i don't want to see my three years worth of effort and struggle to be up there going down the drain. i don't want others to point at me next march, and say, "told you! go to the poly, and you won't be facing this now! it was your choice back then!"
although after the common test last year, there were times when i really start to wonder if i should continue staying in MI and try once more, or should i just leave and do something else? but when i cleared midyears and promos with much better grades and making it to year3 with my own effort, i know, i didn't make the wrong decision to stay on. now that everything is coming to an end, i just hope that i really did make the best out of everything. if anything were to flop next march, i can jolly well say goodbye to my dreams and aspirations, and just accept whatever comes my way. afterall, it would be my own doing.
):
Y
i have a dream - westlifei have a dream, a song to singto help me cope, with anythingif you see the wonder, of a fairytaleyou can take the future, even if you faili believe in angels, something good in everything i seei believe in angels, when i know the time is right for mei'll cross the stream, i have a dreamoh yeah~i have a dream, a fantasyto help me through, realityand my destination, makes it worth the whilepushing through the darkness, still another milei believe in angels, something good in everything is seei believe in angels, when i know the time is right for mei'll cross the stream, i have a dreami have a dream, a song to sing
to help me cope, with anything
if you see the wonder, of a fairytale
you can take the future, even if you fail
i believe in angels, something good in everything i see
i believe in angels, when i know the time is right for me
i'll cross the stream, i have a dreami'll cross the stream...i have a dream...-end-although unreal, i still choose to believe that angels exist. (: at least, they never fail to bring along something good, or even, someone good. (:
Friday, November 16, 2007Y
i lovelovelove my ipod classic! (: daddy & mummy bought it for me last weekend, and it's accompanying me through long bus rides and terrible econs since then. (: it's 80GB, and i'm so gonna load videos into it so that i can bring it on the plane when i fly off to chiangmai at the end of the year. (: and and! i added my lovelies photos inside it as well! (: so wherever i go now, i get to see my lovelies. whee~this is how it looks like! (;
the front.
the back & side. i call it "the BACK-SIDE"! haha! (;
my pinky classic! (((((((((:i highly strongly recommend this song sang by tay ping hui. (: it's super super nice and the lyrics are really good. (;跟着我一起 - 郑斌辉挺着胸走向那装载梦想的天际用汗水洗脸坚持它在山颠屹立骄傲地扛起最倔强的勇气我从不掩饰胸中那颗狂热的心日月在交替每天十崭新的自己风雨的洗礼我微笑着继续前进一张开双臂就能拥抱天地就算铜墙铁壁也抵挡不住前行跟着我一起分分秒秒梦想决不放弃不相信命运相信快乐伤悲自己决定跟着我一起时时刻刻都卯足了全力一路的起落都是最美的风景跟着我一起选择活出最精彩的生命漫长的黑夜是为酝酿更绚烂的黎明跟着我一起让时间写下壮阔的诗集有天回头看都是温暖的回忆-end-sometimes, things & feelings are just, more than words...
Wednesday, November 14, 2007Y
one more paper to go, and i'm done with the BIG & HORRIBLE As! ((((((((((((: haha. i must admit that this entire process really stressed & tire me out. the whole journey ain't short and easy, but being able to walk all the way till where i am now, i think... that's really something. haha! okay, i just wanna rest like a pig now, before i start charging at management! hohoho.there's something i really really really need to declare. I'VE BROKEN FREE FROM ECONOMICS! (((((((((: SHIRLEY NEED NOT DO ECONS ANYMORE! and... SHIRLEY WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER TOUCH ECONOMICS FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! econs really make me go jelly and crazy. before the papers start these two days, my hands were like freaking icy cold before i enter the exam hall, and i get stomach pains and keep wanting to go to the toilet. weird lah! i've never get these kind of jitters before. now that it's over, i really feel one whole heap of burden off my chest and everything is like so relaxed already. (;yay yay! i'm enjoying tv's companion today. (: been super long since i last stare at the black box, it's a super great feeling! best of all, SCV's showing my darling show! ((: whee~
Tuesday, November 06, 2007Y
sometimes, presence is more than enough. (: at least, to me, it's enough to make me smile, and feel good for the entire day. (:maths was good today. (: i hope whatever i've done for today's paper is enough to make up for the blunders i made in paper 1. (: so far, after completing 1A and 2AO papers, maths is the paper that i have the greatest confidence in. but, that's provided careless mistakes are at the lowest level. i'm a careless worm, a very very very careless one. haha!i miss fridays and our short yet wonderful shared moments.
[add]07/11/2007i'm suppose to study for this friday's management paper, but i'm actually thinking about econs. ): i need to do something to break away from that consistent E grade. i don't want an E on my A levels cert. ): i'm scared. ):okay, i'm sick, with a swollen throat. ): WHY NOW? ):
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