; AN UN-OPENED HEART ;

Wednesday, October 31, 2007Y

i ain't leaving SSDC afterall AGAIN! ): yes, i flunked my TP again! ): this time round, i got NO ONE to blame for the failure, but only myself. i mounted that stupid horrible kerb, the kerb that EVERY single testee were afraid of. after learning driving for near to a year, although this is my second time mounting the kerb, but, WHY NOW? don't ask me, 'cos i don't know how to answer. ): everything was so freaking smooth can? and it's direction change which i mounted that freaking kerb. i can change my lanes, i can do my parking, i can do every single thing even when i'm on the road, i just flop at the direction change. and, IT's MY FIRST CIRCUIT COURSE THAT I'M TESTED FOR, AND THE ONE WHICH I'VE PRACTISED FOR LIKE AN HOUR YESTERDAY! okay, i feel like a total retard. i got my turning points, everything were so nicely done, but when i wanted to leave that direction change lot, i just got to MOUNT THAT STUPID HORRIBLE KERB! okay, i don't need to feel like a retard, 'cos i really am. what the hell lah! i could have passed it and get my license like today lor! damn! ):

although i failed TP today, and i feel so utterly disappointed with myself, i ain't sad anymore. remember the first time i flunked it? i was like sad for don't know how many days, and cried for don't know how many times like mad? this time round, I'M STRONGER? i cried twice only. haha! maybe because i know it's my freaking fault, so yea. ): i just feel so sorry for uncle salleh & paul "gor gor". uncle salleh even arrange for me my warm-up instructor! ): and when i return from my test route, uncle salleh even showed me the "good" sign, and at that moment, i feel like crying already. 'cos i know, i didn't clear it, and i can imagine that disappointing look on his face. ): oh well! i'm so gonna clear my TP the third time round! now, it's clearing my As that's the most "hot" thing on my list. I WANNA GO TO NTU! ((:

GP paper was okay i hope, though paper 1 was tough. i thought paper 2 was easier than paper 1. and i did my AQ properly this time round! (: my time management was so much better than during prelims! at least i've given myself 20 mins for both the SQ & AQ. (: i'm so happy when i handed in my p2, 'cos i did my AQ properly. (: work and effort of 3 full years are all over and done with within 3 hours time. the feeling is, complicated. it's just so nice to clear my table of those subjects that i've cleared for As. (: i've just sorted out my GP stuff nicely, and they are all in my sister's bookshelves! (:

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9:17 PM

Monday, October 29, 2007Y

completed my CLA paper today, and honestly, i still can't believe that i've actually did CLA for three years! amazing huh! from the day i stepped into MI on 03/01/2005, i was so determined that i wanted to do CLA, despite people telling me how hard i need to study for this subject, and the kind of work that i have to go through, like having chinese literature classes? after PAE'05, i was still so determined that i wanted to do CLA, and i really did. (: i dozed off during chinese lit class in year one, 'cos everything was just so dry and boring. but i felt guilty after that, and i chiong-ed! haha! oh well, i'm still amazed that i've actually completed the entire course of it. (:

today is just a day of which i pour everything that i've learnt over the past three years out from within, and just wanting to score for the paper. (: i'm not sure what my grade would be like, but i know i've already put in my very best. (:

consultations with ignatious a week before our paper was really good, and i will seriously miss him, those consultation periods and us chiong-ing papers to let mrs tan mark them. (: i'll definitely miss my dearest CLA classmates, and the four teachers. (: i'm glad we've all strived through three years of CLA, and built such great friendship. (: KUDOS TO CLA! ((:

8:43 PM

Thursday, October 25, 2007Y

FINAL COUNTDOWN! ):

NO. OF DAYS TO START OF As : 4 DAYS!

NO. OF DAYS TO TP : 6 DAYS!

NO. OF DAYS TO END OF As : 29 DAYS! ((:

i'm looking forward to the end. (:

TP IS ONLY 6 DAYS AWAY? that's like super scary adding on to the stress & scary feeling i'm having over As! it's like after GP paper on wednesday. so, by the time i'm on my way for TP, i'm already near to being fully dead. okay, wish me luck! (: i wanna driveeeeee!

my other half these days are, my books, notes, pencil case & MY PINK NALGENE! ((:

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26/10/2007

you, your words & smile makes me go WOOOO~ ((:

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7:40 PM

Thursday, October 18, 2007Y

i enjoyed grad tea yesterday. (: thank you to all, for all the fun, cam-waring, and most importantly, making my last schooling day in MI such a blast. ((: i shall let the photos do the talking! ((:

the BEST class of 2007 : O5A2. ((: i'm so gonna miss you guys please! the noise especially! (;

mr tan! ((: he's my awesome gp tutor! ((:

mr thiang, my favourite maths tutor. ((:

jasmine girlfriend. (:

sher girlfriend. (:

jas & cj. *loves!

NADIA DARLING! ((:

our one & only pencil. (; she went through a lot with me in 2007, and i really love her to the max! ((:

JULIEEEEE! ((: she never fail to cheer me up with her smiley face followed by a hug to ensure that i feel better and i'm okay. (: i love julie sweets! and i'm so gonna miss her, her hugs and her big wide smile! (;

gracie darling. ((: i'll miss the times she do my hair for me... those great ake days, were when we start chiong-ing for our bars and chase after those birdies, and the times when we both got lost, together with nilam & jannah, we will just laugh our hearts out. ((: i miss those ake days, and i miss talking to gracie lulu!

jannah BABAT! ((: she loves to call me "WIJAYA AUNTY!" but recently, she invented "SHIRBAT!" haha! she's like another me, who can laugh and laugh non-stop. her laughter is like a spray that infects others, and we will all start laughing. ((: i will definitely miss this babat sayang of mine! (;

another sweetie, yinwhee. (: i miss gossiping with her lah! the little secret that she kept for me, all the way from march till now, haha, i hope i didn't burst her with it! (: thanks for being so ever protective towards me, and every little thing girl. (: i love you too! ((:

LEONG! ((: sweet right this photo? (; i seriously miss those times we chatted online till like 2am? and those wonderful times we had, talking heart to heart. i learnt a lot from leong, and he really did made me a stronger girl this year. (: thanks leong dearie, for everything from then till now, and i will never forget. (: i promise to tutor your kids in future okay? haha! (;

MISS WEEEEEEE! ((: the countless number of chances she gave me to let me shine, i'll never forget. ((:

MY BIGGEST SUNSHINE LOVE, NOOR HENDRA SHAHRIL BIN SUPA'AT! ((: i love him! to the coreeeee! i'll miss him like crazy, and i really will. ): there's nothing else i have to say, 'cos i just love this sunshine of mine. (: thanks love, for everything. (: you know what i want to say, so yup! take good care of yourself, and I LOVE YOU! ((:

last but not least, this greatest love of mine, ignatious cha! (: through the past 6 months especially, i'm really thankful for him to be with me. (: the endless encouragement, support and motivation he gave, really helped a lot. whenever i'm down, his words and actions really make me feel so much better all over again, and i really smile from ear to ear. aside from hendra love, he's another darling, who can really bring me that upside down rainbow. ((: at this very crucial moment, when we are really so close to the end, he still never fail to push me on to better myself. (:
thanks love! for all the great times, those mornings, those breakfast time, those wonderful talks we had, and everything that you've done. (: thanks for always making me smile, and making me feel really forturnate to have you with me. (: i love ignatious dearie! ((: *HUGS HUGS*

for more grad tea photos, click HERE! ((:

okay! ((: now, another photo! ((:

i'm proud to declare myself as a MIAKE-ian. ((: this is our glorious photo. GO MIAKE! ((:

it's kinda blur, 'cos i don't know how to operate the new scanner. well, for the clearer version, click HERE! ((:

wanted to add in the class photos, but they are blur as well. ): so, click HERE for class photos! ((:

okay! i'm done! exams are drawing super near, and i'm really mugging my head off. see you guys around! ((: LOVELOVE! ((:

8:49 PM

Sunday, October 14, 2007Y

can time not fly so fast please? i hardly have time to take a short break, let alone sleep. i'm freaking tired, and really zapped. i feel hopeless, maybe i really am. ):

revision & chiong-ing aside, i love driving practical on friday. (: was a little late due to the traffic jam, but the uncles at SSDC were really nice. when i reach the centre, i was practically running my way to the cars area, and the uncles there upon seeing me running across the zebra crossing, asked me for my car number and got my instructor waiting for me. (: as i was about to drive off, i saw paul "gor gor"! ((: the entire session was rather cool, although i was draggy here and there in my speed. plus point! the new instructor was really nice, and gave me endless dose of confidence pills. (: in short, i love friday's practice to the max.

well, just when i'm back to my "i love SSDC practices like madness" mood, i got to face the fact, again, that i'm leaving that place soon. although i really want to pass my freaking TP super badly, but i really hate to leave SSDC. the place where my unwillingness to learn driving was taken away, the place where the nice uncles & paul "gor gor" brought my confidence level higher, the place where i know more people, and also met up with those whom i've lost touch with... memories lah can? okay, emo is setting in, but i still hate to leave SSDC. ):

meals these days were rather bad and difficult for me, 'cos my wisdom tooth is GROWING AGAIN! ): i had difficulty chewing my food, so i took hours to eat. AND, mummy cooked a feast on friday lah! it was like a mini-CNY eve celebration. poor me ended up eating only about a quarter bowl of rice with two fried prawns. i took half an hour to eat those, and by the time i finish, the others are already almost done. ): and last night, we went for crabs feast again! a table of 12, with six big crabs cooked in four different ways and other side dishes. and poor me, again, i can't eat much, 'cos my mouth still hurts. ): and curry crab was the highlight lah! with my all-time favourite, OYSTER VERMICELLI! ): i hate my wisdom tooth! it's not even bringing me wisdom! all it knows is to GROW GROW GROW, and ALWAYS at the wrong time. ):

exam period always meant blogging at weird hours. i need to sleep already. eyes are like closing, and i feel so ugly with those dark rings. ): anyhow, stay tune for wednesday's grad tea photos! ((:

i love the song that's playing now. ((: will get the lyrics up soon! ((:

goodnight world, and i love you all. ((:

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i'm feeling like shit now. no one bothers to even understand what i'm going through, and stop bothering me with things and showing me faces & attitudes that are totally unnecessary now. i just feel that it's so unfair. ):

time check : 7.15pm.

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3:07 AM

Thursday, October 11, 2007Y

the number of days are getting lesser and lesser, with my heart racing faster and faster. i'm feeling really tired & zapped, and a severe lack of proper sleep. but then again, it's ending already. (: after everything is over, all will fall back into place. (: PERSEVERE! ((:

let's do some count down...

NO. OF DAYS TO As : 18 DAYS!

NO. OF DAYS TO TP : 20 DAYS!

NO. OF DAYS TO END OF As : 26 DAYS! ((:

okay, not that bad. just keep going, just keep going, going going going GOING! ((:

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SSDC just sent me a red letter. yes, to inform me that TP is on the 31st. so nice of them to remind me of my terror. thank you.

three hours of chinese lit paper is no joke. my wrist is aching like madness, but i'm glad to say, i completed the paper within three hours, FOR THE FIRST TIME! and, without much reference to my notes! ((: YAYNESS! (;

time check : 10.43pm.
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4:52 PM

Sunday, October 07, 2007Y

syazaPURPLE tagged me this a LONG time ago, and i think hendra sunshine tagged me as well recently. HAHA! okay, time to "repay debt". (;

1. List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for:
good As grades. (:
NTU division of CHINESE/PSYCHOLOGY
onitsuka tiger norico pumps? *haha!*
more more retail therapy! (;
good health, less troubles & worries, stay happy
2. The person who tagged u is:
syazaPURPLE ((:
hendra SUNSHINE LOVE (;
3. Your relationship with them is:
syaza's my dearest PURPLE-darling. ((: she's one of the greatest love i've met in MI. (;
hendra is my SUNSHINE LOVE! and i really love him to bits. so, enough said. (:
4. Your 5 impressions of them:
syaza : lovely, PURPLE, sweetheart, smiley, MSN partner during maths class! (;
hendra : NAUGHTY BOY who loves to "ka jiao" me, sweet to the core, lovable, understanding, my one & only brightest & greatest sunshine. (:
5. The most memorable thing they have done for you:
syaza : surprising me on my birthday with a cute teddy on my table in class & staying with me through my toughest time. (:
hendra : bringing me that upside down rainbow on my face all the time & saying words that touched me so much that made me cry. (:
6. The most memorable words they have said to you:
syaza : i deserve the sweetest dream. (:
hendra : "anyways if you cry, there will always be me here. so dont worry..." ((:
7. If they become your lover, you will?:
syaza : make myself purple as well. HAHA! but things will be great. ((:
hendra : i will go bonkers with all the laughing. haha! but i believe, things would be good. (;
8. If they’re your lovers, what they have to improve on?:
syaza & hendra : nothing actually.
9. If they become your enemy, you will:
syaza & hendra : cry like a maddy, then make sure we're all okay afterwards. ((:
10. If they become your enemy, the reason is:
syaza & hendra : i'm the greatest fool on earth to let that happen. ):
11. The most desired thing you would like to do for them now is?:
syaza : GO GO GO FOR A LEVELS! ((:
hendra : sit beside one another again, and have a really good talk. ((:
12. Your overall impression of them:
syaza & hendra : BIG BIG LOVE. (;
13. How do you think people around you will feel about you:
a mad woman.
14. The character you love about yourself is:
laughing bad things away. (:
15. On the contrary, what character you hate about yourself:
VERY VERY emotional, retarded & always a tad slower. ):
16. The most ideal person I would like to be:
still, myself. (:
17. For the people who cared & liked you, say something to them:
i love every single one of you, no matter what. (: *hugs*
18. Pass this quiz to 10 people that u wish to know how they feel about you:
EDITH, nancy dear, shihui, claris girlfriend, yinwhee, yunzhen, nadia, farhana, jasmine girlfriend, dian sayang.
Who’s #2 having relationship with? : me! ((:
Is #9 a female/male? : female.
If #1 & #10 be together, will it be a good thing? : HAHA! i don't think so...
#3 and #4? : may click as friends, not as a couple. haha!
#2 studying about? : business, and is at SHANGHAI now!
When was the last time you chatted with #3? : long long ago... ):
What kind of music does # 8 like? : ehhhhh...? not sure. =p
Does #6 has any siblings? : yes! one sister. (;
Will u woo # 3? : why not? haha!
How about #7? : YES! ((: i love nadnad!
Is #4 single? : no. she's happily attached. (;
Surname of #5? : NG! ((: we're both NGs! (;
What’s the hobby of #5? : good question. music i guess?
#3 studying at? : NYP.
Have you tried developing feelings for #8? : haha! no.
What colour does #4 like? : green & orange.
Are #1 and #3 best friends? : superrrrr besties. (;
#5 have a pet? : i don't think so...

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OKAY! i'm done with it. haha. it's kinda long and all. but it took me just nice 20mins to complete it. and that's it! break time ends! ((:

SEE YOU ALL AROUND! ((: lovelove!

4:50 PM

Friday, October 05, 2007Y

happy birthday hidayah sayang. ((:

that's me (with super small eyes) and hidayah! (;

i'm feeling better already. (: thanks to those who asked & cared. (: i'm no longer feeling as breathless like the past few days, and the pressure at the chest area is less intense. i just need to walk and climb those staircases slower, like an old woman. haha! still, thanks lovelies! ((:

[add]
look at my "the wants '07" list, and spot "onitsuka tiger norico pumps"! ((: i finally got hold of it's "look-alike" picture! (;

photo credits : ONITSUKA TIGER AUSTRALIA

these two colours are sweet, but the pair that i wanted is pinkish-orange in colour, or maybe it's fuschia. the design is something like this, and i seriously love it. (; i can't wait to see the pumps live, so that i can decide if i should or should not get it. anyhow, i still love it. (:

shirley & caihua are madness over ONITSUKA TIGERRRRRRR! (; it reminds me of leong's SHUS! ((:
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11:30 PM

Tuesday, October 02, 2007Y

i got this super suffocated feeling as i mug these days. or rather, over the past few days. whenever i get into real hardcore mugging, making myself think really hard, i will find difficulty in breathing properly, and i can't think. then i would be like fighting for air and have a really tight feeling. like as though i will collapse the next moment because i don't have enough air. okay, i must be having illusions. i just hope they won't become bad, that's all!

daddyLOW turns another year older today! YAY! let me help him with a birthday wish. may he find me a mummyLOW soon! haha! (; i hope daddy's fine. it has been exactly 9 MONTHS since i last saw him on the first day of school this year. YES! THAT'S "AWESOMELY" LONG PLEASE.

tuankiak, don't say i not fair ah! tomorrow's TUANKIAK's BIRTHDAY, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TUANKIAK! (:

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03/10/2007

today is not just suffocated-ness. or rather, from last night, it is more than suffocated-ness. i can't breathe properly, and practically fighting for my own share of air. i feel as though asthma is acting out of nowhere, and i was so scared i can't wake up this morning if i sleep last night. okay, i know it's dumb/weird/mad to feel that way. but i was really feeling terrible last night.

mummy made me visit Dr Pow in the evening, 'cos she said i was really pale and i can't talk without breaking up my sentence into parts, and breathing really deeply in between the parts. Dr Pow says that it's due to stress. and he gave me pills for regulating my breathing and relaxaion. i think the pills are working, although i still feel breathless once in awhile, and the pressure is still there. i hope the condition will improve, and i will feel better really soon. it's sucky for this to happen like now, when it's so near exams. ):

*BOO-

time check: 11.58pm
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11:50 PM